i really really really feel like scratching out his name, but it'll only mar the beauty of the invite.. so it remains, even if i'm so angry, so hurt.. even if i really want to hate him...

girl, i miss you so much..

rain The rainy street, I am walking alone still rain My voice, rough and tired from crying, like a mumble, tries to follow along with the song that you were always singing to yourself, but...

you're still in my heart...in the rain

-- Klaha Stay in the Rain

these sort of goodbyes are only meant for the old, damnit

just spent 4 solid hours sorting my uni notes/readings/essays. it's crazy how much paper one can accumulate in just 3.5yrs. of course there's me the incorrigible readings zapper.. i remember evenings (yes, evenings) of returning to central library just to zap readings. but that was when i was staying in hall..

perhaps i've been putting off packing because there's a finality in it, an acknowledgement that we really are moving, that our home for the past 11+ years is our home no more. officially, we don't even own it anymore; it belongs to someone else, to strangers.. will they love it as i love(d) it?

in a way, my memories of this place already feel violated. soon there will be another family living here. will memories of us linger to haunt them like reluctant ghosts? will our presence and characters remain, seeped into the walls, hovering like the lingering scent of someone's perfume who has just exited the room?

alternatively i'm excited and reluctant. so many memories were forged here, so much of my past was built here. so many experiences, so much of me was moulded here. my problem is being overly nostalgic. but i am a creature of comfort.

i remember blogging once that my bedroom is THE very best place in the world to fall asleep in, especially on golden afternoons. the way the light falls on the walls, the way it lights up the room.. will my new bedroom even come close? i'm afraid it won't and i would always compare. but i will learn, i will accept and learn to love the new place, except for now it's hard letting go.

lo and behold! caroline, my dear, you are linked!! and i am lazy no more.. at least for now ;)