things are getting worse, rather than better. your mind is the worst place to stage an argument..

i'm getting more and more confused and more tired as a result.. and tireds not good when you're trying to sort things out..

why doesn't this world forgive mistakes? that i want to know. dramatic excellence is demanded, only that and nothing less.

it's frustrating.

the storm's blown over.. things are all right now.

but to move on to (better/higher) things..

looking at this at the moment in all seriousness.

[perhaps Honours isn't all what it's marketed / hyped to be.. ]

in a way, i am glad for these 2 days (despite the intense worrying).

if i hadn't decided to talk to my teacher, i would never have found out the existence of this problem, if i hadn't gone to talk to them, the dep. would never have realised that there were students who would require this course to be offered the next sem..

if my current Lehrerin hadn't been in yesterday, i would never have gone to talk to my previous Lehrerin and i wouldn't have found out abt this International Degree Program Deutschland is offering..

so many 'ifs' that fate laid at my feet, 'ifs' that i took and which lead me to here - at a threshold from which i can see my future.

out of all these 3yrs, these 2 days have been the most active i've ever been with regards to self-propelled desire to get what i finally felt i was ready for, namely Honours.

and through this pursuit, new doors, new options, new choices were opened and revealed..

suddenly certain things solidified and, to put things simply, i've felt the touch of concrete direction.

the future beckons and it looks promising. very.

i talked to no less than 3 teachers today. it would have been 4 and 2x1 for the fact that one was out, and the other also out, when i went back to talk to him (seeking advice and some measure of comfort)..

to think i thought my questions answered, my doubts assuaged after visiting no.1. i couldn't be more wrong..

after talking to no.2 (and realising to both our horror that the last essential module i need to grad, is not being offered next sem) and being hurriedly shuttled to no.3 (who left me with a very depressing "we can't promise you anything"), i was just so exhausted..

anyway, it now stands that i may not be able to graduate next sem! wonderful! all because of one module they aren't offerning next sem (which is a sem1), even though they have been offering it for the past few a.yrs!

and i thought the problem would have been whether i was able to begin Honours next sem while still completing my BA (assuming I would be accepted) ..

talk abt the snowball-effect..

as it stands, there are two possible outcomes:

(1) the dep. decides to run the course next sem, i take it and grad on schedule (if already being 1 sem behind normal due to a change in combi in yr2, can be counted as on schedule..) and then go back to my original problem of seeing if they could allow me to begin my Honours will completing my BA..

or

(2) they don't offer it and i'm screwed..

in which case, i have 2 possible,but not very pretty options:

(a) ask the university for a 'break' of 1sem. ie. put my BA on hold for 6mths, come back in the proper sem2 to finish off that one troublesome-why-must-this-happen module

or

(b) i'm unable to put my BA on hold and will have to do a totally totally wasted sem of an extra 3 modules, which do nothing towards fulfilling any degree requirements although, they would damningly-unfortunately be factored into my already teanuous CAP (grade pt) before hitting sem2 to do that last module..

and that's not assuming i am allowed to begin my honours in that sem2, which would then mean, again, that i'll have to take another 2 utterly 'useless' modules to make the min. 3 modules per sem university requirement..

in which case, again, i would then have to wait till the next a.year to begin my Honours properly, by which time i would have done one year too many for just a bloody BA and + 1 for Honours (assuming i get it) to make a grand total of 5 freakin years!

i am in such a mess.. though let it be said that i don't for a moment regret my decision of dropping soci to swop back to euro.

the good things in life are seldom if not never free .. free from toil and trouble that is..