am not taking very gd care of this place am i? looks guilty

maybe blogging was a phase? or perhaps it was just to fill up all the empty nites and lonely hours?

anyway, i digress.

a little bit of good news. was just offered a post as Student Coordinator for the upcoming Immersion to Münster, Germany.

if my mind wasn't made up as to whether i would be going, this has surely decided for me!

and to top it, i'll actually be paid! snigger but really i'm honoured, very honoured.. let's just say, i think this is the first step towards the life i want ..

trouble never happens for a reason, obstacles are always there to test and prod one to greater heights, something i think i learnt long ago..

when pple change, the very last person to realise that is usually the person him/herself.. but when change is recognised internally, then perhaps that change is a significant one.

Fare thee well My own true love Farewell for a while I'm going away But I'll be back Though I go 10,000 miles

10,000 miles My own true love 10,000 miles or more The rocks may melt And the seas may burn If I should not return

Oh don't you see That lonesome dove Sitting on an ivy tree She's weeping for Her own true love As I shall weep for mine

Oh come ye back My own true love And stay a while with me If I had a friend All on this earth You've been a friend to me

• "10,000 miles" (from the Fly Away Home soundtrack)

it's amazing how i've been vacillating back and forth, up and down, between relief and despair, irritation and some measure of joy and happiness..

right now, it's back to good. it's amazing how much a few lines from a very highly esteemed someone can make so much of a difference..

advice. advice is what i need now most. to be bombarded by as many views as possible, by as many opinions as possible from respected channels..the thinking can come later..

i think what's really important is that the-esteemed-he understands where exactly i am coming from, that in a nutshell, i'm a misfit trying to fit in. a messy contradiction of wanting to do what's best for me while being afraid to abandon the comfort and security of familiarity, afraid of risking a sense of belonging..

high locus of (internal) control, as a friend said today =].. but lacking in the real courage to go all the way..

"My only fear is that if you go without Honours - the powers-that-be here won't be able to understand it and will think that there is something fishy about you."

tough ain't it? when you're up against an entire mindset, ingrained and ponderous to change..

a person grows slowly and individually. things come to you in good time, realisation has got to grow on you much like a plant or any living thing - slowly, but alive, conscious and aware.. but even then, would you want to accept it? it's only when these two elements are in sync will the pieces of the puzzle fall into place.

but time is not a luxury that's given to most. it's either do or die. perform or leave, slack and fail..

what will this misfit do?