oh my god.. we are either moving THIS weekend or the next.. it doesn't seem real, even if reality is sitting in the form of a mountain of boxes scattered all over my house. suddenly i really really really really don't want to move..
this morning, there was beautiful sunlight illuminating my bathroom. beautiful, gorgeous natural light--the best light to apply makeup.. but honestly, a bright, sunny room always seems happier, warmer and more alive. our new room is going to be dark. it's only got ONE window! but you can't get the best of everything always. at least the study, and the hall are going to be bright with wall to wall windows. i love windows..
i think this mellow spell is partly due to my reluctance to move, thinking of what i'm doing with my current life (where am i going? why am i doing this?), thinking about her (since when do i really ever stop?) and most recently, having just watched Corpse Bride with my sis.
it's so sad. it's so heartwrenching. ok, so i am baised, since anything Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, i like and like a lot, but even as you knew Emily and Victor would/could never be together, it broke my heart to see Emily give Victor up, especially so because she loves him.
to love and not be loved in return, to love and not be able to be with the one you love, seems to me untenable, unbearable and one of the saddest things in the world.
Corpse Bride was touching, moving and sadly beautiful. my sister and i agree, unlike The Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride is not for children. it's the excess baggage that "adulthood" and having "grown up" brings to the story, that weighs it down and invests it with the melancholic gravity that children (hopefully) would not yet grasp.. which reminds me of Marvell's The Picture of Little T.C. in a Prospect of Flowers..
.. Yet this is She whose chaster Laws
The wanton Love shall one day fear,
And, under her command severe,
See his Bow broke and Ensigns torn...
O then let me in time compound,
And parly with those conquering Eyes;
Ere they have try'd their force to wound,
Ere, with their glancing wheels, they drive
In Triumph over Hearts that strive,
And them that yield but more despise...
on a different note, i'm so glad we finally found the magic of Marvell.
i've been thinking abt her a little more lately and it's making me a little weary, a little tired.. stretched, like butter too thin over bread
insidious melancholy like a sinuous, slowly creeping vine, creep creep creeping its way into my soul..
2mths on (has it really been that long?), i go to your friendster profile, click on the account your students put up for you and realise people were still posting you messages after. the most recent one on 9th Sept, a happy birthday tribute from one of your students..
how could you, who touched so many lives so deeply be gone? how could you who had so many dreams bear to leave them behind? what about your plans to teach English in Canada? i hate how i can still recall that one icq conversation where you sounded so hopeful of the future. you were so excited, so determined.. so sure of life..