"Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down .. Reality can really cut you down to size But don't ever lose that light in your eyes Don't ever lose that light in your eyes .. And life resembles one big compromise .. Keep on shining Keep on smiling Don't lose faith and don't lose heart When you're crying Just keep trying to remind yourself you're a shining star Yes you are Somewhere down the line you'll face the judgement day When the angels look at you, what will they say? They've got a way of knowing who qualifies Just let 'em see that light in your eyes Don't ever lose that light in your eyes Keep on shining Keep on smiling Don't lose faith and don't lose heart.. .. Don't ever lose that light in your eyes."

LeAnn Rimes - The Light in your eyes

been doing lots of thinking.. events in the world happen and you can't do anything to stop them and you try to carry on.. but the inability to block things out scratches away slowly at normalcy and sanity.. i feel like things are all crumbling down around me.

firstly, my inspiration to do anything is gone. each time we turn on the news, all we've got are reports on yet more new sars cases.. and the numbers can only get worse..

canada's (Quebec) has declared a state of emergency because of sars! Hk isn't doing too well either.. and let's not talk abt the w-a-r..

secondly, the germany trip looks ripe for cutting on the chopping board. students pulling out every day.. airports now imposing health checks. and you really have to wonder if germany would be happy to receive us.. i think not.. i wouldn't be if i were them.. shrug

thirdly, life's boring and not very fun without him. i have nothing to look fwd to at the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of the month.. and maybe now, at the end of the year..

i've been asking myself more and more and more each day. why am i studying so hard? why am i so bloody concerned abt my essays? why are they giving me such a headache and extreme stress?

ans: i haven't done them. they are due next week.

but do i care? i find that i don't. not an ounce of urgency. not a drop, not an atom. why?

ans: this isn't life.

life is: good music (without which i would have died long ago), family, friends, building friendships, reading the bks i've always wanted to but haven't gotten round to, writing, playing with my gps, being with him (except that he isn't here), wondering why the sky's so blue today, listening to the rain drone on outside, hoping for stars to come out tonight ...

and i'm giving him reasons for not coming back. great

now that the line to my lifesaver has been re-attached (yay!) and if my winamp playlist is anything to go by, i'm decidedly happier, i think . haha..

"I laughed out loud, 'cos that's the one thing I haven't been trying..."