just read ChynaGyrl's blog.. as i do, periodically.. and the joy of today was clouded. one line in her nov11 entry really hit me.. to quote (she's talking abt her grandmother) "waking up for the first time in fifty-six years without her husband next to her" ...

why this sudden impact on me? perhaps it is because i was just talking to faith abt him and i was probably babbling like i always do when i talk about him, telling her how much i loved him & all...

and then reading ChynaGyrl's blog, seeing that line.. i got scared. that is one of the situations i fear most in the world - waking to a world w/o him.. the others being losing my parents & something happening to my sister..

our life together hasn't even begun and yet i fear the end.. i know, i know... carpe diem but one day that day will surely come yes? you can't deny death, you can't shut it out.. that's why i said once before, life is lived in the shadow of death.

sometimes, when i think about it, i find that to me death is merely another phase of life, a passing on to another world. if taken as such, the anticipated pain fades, fear diminishes. but what happens when you lose a loved one? it's a whole new ball game again isn't it?

at least i'm very thankful for one thing, my parents, especially my dad isn't afraid of death. "if it's time to go, it's time to go. what can you do about it?" agreed.. if you were destined to die that day, you will, if not you won't - as simple as that. ... and i am glad because his and my mom's dearth of fear of death lets us know -- don't be scared too, see we aren't.

and i think that helps and will help alot eventually.. if there's one thing they've taught us in life, that's not to fear death... my children will learn that too.. eventually..

yippie!! german film fest.. and just nice ^^ after the exams some more! ", here take a look

only catch: 99% are R(A) which cuts out 3/4 of the class.. such a waste it would have been a fun outing grin hehe ..

(ok to digress a little first: arghs.. how come i'm signed as dreamflower? all along i thought it was die fee! arghs.. sorry i'm a little fussy with stuff like this... anyway)

yes, weird us.. see what you think:

friends: so do you talk to/call her/him often? us: er.. no, er.. once a mth? friends: shocked looks all around okkk... so, do you two at least icq? us: er... hehe.. try to once a week. friends: gasps of horror email?? us: errr grin once in a blue moon? friends: disbelieving what kind of relationship do you two have!??! do you at least miss him/her? us: relieved yes!! ^^ friends: finally! shake heads